MY FIRST POST!!! :)

I first off want to thank you all who have been praying for me and supporting me in my finances! I have seen God’s provision and am so happy that you guys are a part of a testimony of faith. J

 I can tell you that the school has been amazing, and one of the best things that ever happened to me.  Really getting to see who God is and his love for his people has been awesome! I know I have said this before in the emails that I have written you guys, and it’s true!! I totally believe that!  But I also want to be honest with you and tell you that I have been struggling.  I have been realizing more and more of the dirt that I have in my life.  The things that need to be taken out from the root that I know should not be there!!! 

There are so many reasons for me being here and I think this is one of the biggest things…..  God has been breaking me down little by little and it hurts.  I have been battling with whether or not I should share this stuff with you, and have come to conclusion that this is just as important as telling you everything else.  I’m in a place of brokenness.  I’m dealing with stuff that hurts really bad, but I know this is all in God’s plan.  He wants me kneeling and before his cross so that I can see him clearly.  With everything at his feet and out of my own hands.  I have realized that I am a very prideful person because I am always wanting to do everything by myself.  I never considered that being prideful because I thought it was just me being independent, but I was SO WRONG!  We can’t do anything by ourselves.  God continually was searching and showing himself to the Israelites.  Instead, they put idols before him and were constantly wavering in their faith.  Having a fear of man, instead of a fear of God.  All God wanted was them to see him and put their trust in him.  He wanted all of their attention with no strings attached, except for believing in him.   I have been so convicted about this stuff because I am always doing this!! Always!! Not trusting him to handle the things that I think that I should be able to do by myself.  Not letting go, and letting God as I should be doing.  I have also been dealing big time with my self-image and who I am.  I have this obsession with being perfect and doing everything perfect.  I know that obsession seems like such a strong word, but I feel like it is what best describes how I’m feeling when I make a mistake and am not doing it to my own standards, or the standards that I think people have of me.  I know a lot of this crap comes from my past.  A lot of the times, I feel like I should be over this stuff, but I’m not and then it makes me so angry!!  Yes I have reasons to be angry, but the anger should be pointed at Satan and not God.  God is my redeemer and I know is going to use this for my future.  He is going to use it for good and I have already seen that in my life.  I think about the story of Joseph and the hardships that he had to go through, but the good that God used out of it.  His brothers hated him and sent him to death, but everywhere Joseph went, God was with him and he found favor in everything that he did, because he had an inheritance to fulfill.  God really spoke to me during this story and told me I was just like Joseph.  I think this is absolutely amazing, because even through all of this stuff that I’m dealing with, I know I don’t have to do it alone, and will never have to.  God is carrying me and always has been.  I recently looked up the meaning of my name because we were talking about the name meanings of the people in the book of Ruth.  And my name means “He sees or He is watching”.  WOW!!  That totally speaks to me and I never thought before to see what it meant, but with the things I have had to deal with in my life, I know it is a confirmation of God being there.  He always has been watching me even when I didn’t know him and I truly believe that.  I don’t think I would have been alive if this wasn’t true. God is so amazing and I’m so grateful that he is my father, my mother, sister, friend and redeemer.  He is everything to me and I want so badly to live in his perfect will for my life.  I know that it can be painful and it has been, but it is so worth it!

Thank you guys for taking the time to read this.  I really want all of you to be a part of what God is doing in my life.  I need you guys behind me because all of you have a special part of my heart.  I mean that with all sincerity!!!  It is a testimony of what God is doing and I really want to share it with you.

One last thing…..please add me to your prayer list because I can always use it!!! J

PRAYER REQUESTS

·         I had no idea how much work this school was going to be until I actually came.  So I could really use prayer for me to not focus on finishing my homework or being perfect, but to be aware of what God is saying to me through it.

·         SLEEP!!!....I haven’t been sleeping all that well because I have my thoughts and homework hanging over my head all the time.  To have a peace so I can rest better (we all know 2-4 hours a night is not healthy…lol)

·         Unity with my classmates.  There are 12 of us and they are all absolutely amazing!!!  We have already gotten really close and get along really well, but praying for us as a whole would still be great so we can keep what we have and build on it.

·         And of course…..financial support.  God totally supplied the first $2500.00 for the first quarter and I know that he will for the next two quarters.  I need $5000.00 more and I still have some time to get it in, but I would like to have it before that time if it’s possible.  Or shall I say, just to have it in God’s timing.
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SUPPORT ME FINANCIALLY, PLEASE LET ME KNOW AND I CAN TELL YOU HOW TO GO ABOUT THAT.  PLEASE DONT FEEL OBLIGATED, IT IS JUST IF YOU FEEL GOD CALLING YOU TO DO SO. THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!!
Jessie Porter